Friday, January 30, 2009

Just because It's the Year Of The Cow/Ox...

...does not give you the right to say "Happy 牛(niu) year", with 牛having the literal translation of cow. I mean seriously If someone tries to wish me a Happy 牛(niu) year, I will pop a plastic bottle cap up their ass. Okay maybe I won't but Its seriously just uncool to recycle the greeting. The first time, I'm fine with It. But about the fifth, It gets old. So lose the novelty greetings you lame ass people. Why can't you just say "Happy New Year" without the obvious pun of the cow/ox year.

But yeah It Is Chinese New Year. Today Is the fifth day, and I'm at home using the Internet, rather than visiting my peers. Some life I have. But the previous six days, I was In Sibu. The place is okay, just a little...small. It's practically like Miri just filled with 3/4 of Foochow people with great skilllz of making 干捞面 and 光饼. Sibu's drainage system seriously sucks, Its that bad. And that makes Sibu flood prone, In some areas at least. The town Is no exception. There were like ponds of water, and It was muddy. Quite a feast for the eyes.

Sibu, Indonesia.

My grandmother's place. Quite cosy.


Come rain come shine.

I wasn't kidding about the flood.


The English Channel.




I can only Imagine how this contraption Is used.

My Chinese New Year was pretty normal. I mean with the exception of New Year songs that get annoying, It was cool. I got money, I met my relatives and with every meal, I was filled with my grandma's cooking. She makes a hell of a dumpling and when her cooking Is Infused with red wine, damn, It tastes as good as a salty Ice cream cone. True that.

Just that this year I couldn't visit my friends, well actually I still can but then again I'm socially unsociable so I guess that won't happen and also there Is a slight possibility that my peers don't know I'm already back or maybe no one cares but In any case I'm pretty lazy to go out anyways. And also the mass visiting was on the fourth day so It would be kinda tedious for everyone to come to my house when they could've gone yesterday but I only came back yesterday so that's highly Improbable.

Anyways to all a prosperous and fruitful New Years. Even If you have Improportional face or are bald/balding or even maybe have ugly hair or even having cheap clothing, Happy Year of the Ox, 2009, from me.

新年块樂, 歲歲平安
Happy New Year
(even though It's already the fifth day)

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Jacob Black Is a fag


Yes, I have, dare I say seen the movie Twilight. I mean I'm no 13 year old girl nor am I gay, but under Inevitable circumstances, I was put up with the movie. Now I have never ever, In the name of Bobby read or even touch the best selling novel of the same name by Stephenie Meyer. I am just a common man. From a common man's view, I shall review/summarise the movie that came out last month which was a while ago, but I watched It about a two weeks ago but my brain Is still fresh, fresh enough to remember the main story of the movie.

Bet you've seen this cover held tightly by a teenage girl just too often.

Now I don't really watch the ever popular sub genre of romantic-fantasy films, so I had no Idea what to expect from the film. I just knew It was about vampires and some guy named Edward who was apparently going to be a cult Icon among teenage adolescent girls. I have heard however, from the people who have read the novel, that the feature film was a giant flop, a giant disappointment for them. This made things even less exciting than me already with full anticipation walking Into the cinema to watch the movie.

I wonder If girl's get...excited when they see Edward.

Now the movie started with Bella Swan moving from her hometown somewhere In Phoenix I forgot where to Forks, Washington staying with her biological father. Her mom and step dad were back at Phoenix renovating their house I assume. So Bella's new In town, and like any other 17 year old Junior, she went the local High School. All was fine, dudes checked her out, some Asian guy tried to ask her out. You know the usual. But during lunch break, some people arrived. the Cullen's. Now apparently they're all related but four of the Cullen family were lovers? One bird was left out of the nest, and may I present you Edward Cullen. I'm lazy to Introduce everyone so here's the wiki.

Left to right: Emmet, Rosalie, Esme, Edward, Carlisle, Alice and Jasper.

Edward's a peculiar one, sitting with Bella during Biology class, having a lustful face as If he wanted to do Inappropriate things to her, but oh right, he's a vampire. So probably It was the scent of her blood that got him a boner. A few days after an abrupt absence, he came back, formally Introducing himself. So there was chemistry between the blood sucker and Bella. There was attraction. Edward seemed to like Bella but looked as If restricted. He kept telling her to stay away from him. Bella couldn't figure why.

Then one fine day as Bella was just chilling by her truck, some black dude accidentally over steered and was crashing Into her direction. Liek omg, liek what happened next? Edward swooped In from at least 50 yards away, stopping the car with his bare hands, leaving a ginormous dent In the car. I have to say, that was probably the only memorable scene apart from the apple kicking scene. Bella saw this herculean act. So she google'd what she saw, super speed, super strength and pale skin. It was a fact, Edward Cullen was a vampire. A 100+ year old vegan vampire feeding only on animal blood Instead of human blood.

Different date for the United Kingdom so don't ask why the dates are different.

So she confronted him, and he was like "What If I'm not the hero, what If I was the villain?" and "Are you scared?". Bella apparently didn't mind liking an Immortal being. They hung out and stuff, Edward saving her from getting gang raped, the usual. Then finally Edward brought Bella to his household. Not everyone In the Cullen family favored Bella. Quite frankly, Jasper looks better than Edward In the movie.

Everything was fine, Cullen was with Swan, time spent together was sufficient, but an Invitation to a friendly game of vampire baseball under a storm would ultimately lead Bella to be hunted down by a tracker vampire, James. How, well when the game was on, three rogue vampires appeared from the forest to the pitch. James got Bella's scent and was bloodthirsty for well her blood. Jasper and Alice brought Bella to safety but then Bella got a call. James took her mom for ransom. She had to turn herself In for her mother's safety. So she did, but what could could she do when Jame's bit her arm leaving a flesh wound? The Cullen's came to her rescue. Edward fought? James I guess. Then Carlisle burnt the jizz outta James In order to kill him.

Edward had to suck her blood In order to extract the venom. He almost couldn't stop himself from sucking, like and Infatuated 10 year old on porn. Bella didn't die. Like no wai right. She ended up In the hospital with Edward by her side. Soon after It was prom night, and you guessed It, Edward was Bella's prom date. The movie ended with Edward and Bella kissing under the moonlight during the prom.

Side notes, Twilight's vampires:
  • Do not have fangs.
  • Do not burn under the sunlight Instead making their skin shine like diamonds.
  • Do not sleep In coffins.
  • Have special abilities like telepathy (Edward), Precognition (Alice) and Mood Changing Powers (Jasper)

What I liked about the movie most:
Alice Cullen

Well I wouldn't say It was terrible nor was It that disappointing contrary to many fans of the series. Maybe It was because I've never read It but as a standalone movie, It was decent. There was good narrative. The color's were dark which suited the genre. The character's were Interesting with the mix of different beings. And the story wasn't all bad.

All In all, considering how popular the series Is, I don't think It would really matter If the movie was a success, but since there was a film adaptation of the first Installment of the series, I would like to see what will happen In the sequel, New Moon.


Saturday, December 20, 2008

Leopold Houston

Yes, I are backeth. Back from where I hear some people asking? Well the truth Is, I had to clean my room, I mean my sister's room where my personal computer Is at. Why Is my personal computer at at her room? Cause Darren Is expected to be bald In his early 30's. It took me a while, but finally I got the job done. Though It was a grueling task, It still had to be done.


Not very long after...

Alas, I have successfully turn my sister's screw up of a room to even more of a screw up. These past close to six more like five and 3/4 months was long and hard. And I'm not even talking about Peterson.

Absolutely no pun Intended Peterson, Big Bird just happened to have the letter H for whatsoever reason.

But yeah, It's not like I really cleaned up her room, hell, It's still messy okay not really but that's only because my sister Is back from Melbourne and If her room were to be messed up, my organs are at stake. Really, she could beat the crap outta me. Not saying I'm sissy, just would you hit a girl If she kicked your ass? Or by your older sister? Well I won't so, that Is why my body Is still In shape and in tact.

I haven't posted for about as long as Peterson, and posting now, I feel exactly the same. I don't miss my readers, It could be of course I don't really have readership. Go touch a dog Syafiq. I dare you. And how often I update will be determined by how long Kenny Is when he reaches menopause.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

I got to wear casual cothes yesterday to school and you didn't Syafiq Azizol.

Casual clothing? On a school day? Ballistic? Boom? Every year, I get to do this cause my school has this tradition of not wearing uniform clothing during this day what Is called Mufti Day. I brought my camera along, and with my amazingly excellent wonderful photoshopping skills, you people will be able to experience the read deal, as If you were the ones being there, witnessing everything.

I wore a hoodie. And It was like being baked and then grilled Inside your own clothing. Any longer than the 5 hours of school, and I would have been covered by BO. BO Is not cool man. But fortunately, I didn't develop any sort of aroma as I didn't wear the hoodie for the whole time, but maybe 1/4 of It. Seriously hot and sweaty. But yeah, enough about me, let us look at the photos now shall we?

For the record, Nelson and Darren took 80% of the photos. Nelson was rather excited when he got his hands on the camera and secretly taking pictures of the many girls In the class. Okay not really, but they did take about 80% of It.

Please, do enjoy.

Self explanatory.

He got arrowe'd.

This guy's a wiener

Suai Ge.


Voyeur... I mean Nelson should get photography lessons.

Kenaidy made me realize what was wrong here. Very wrong Indeed.

10/10 on my hotness meter. Wilson Phua babe.

Nicholas got angry.

Ain't no party like the party going on in my house.


Now with that aside, It's time for my, Kenaidy's and Darren's portfolio...




That's whack babe.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

A Composition

Here is a story that I, Lau Ben Yu composed. No, I didn't die. I just have been playing The Sims 2 and stuff. Feel free to comment about the story. Whether you'll read It or not, well that's up to you. I'm just posting for the fun of It. So yeah, It's long so read at your own risk.



The church bells rang. Sorrow was what could be best described at the scene. Tears were dripping down the faces of many as they witnessed the funeral of Martin Brown. Amy Rockfield was one of the mourners, mourning for the loss of her childhood friend. They were as if blood relatives. Words could not describe the pain felt by Amy. She had hopes for Martin, but now It was crushed into bits and pieces. And yet she also felt relieved, seeing him laying down peacefully without a care In the world, heading to a "better place". Her family comforted her, telling her It's not the end of the world. Amy could only reply with a smile, hiding her real feelings about the deceased. The tune of Amazing Grace could still be heard, faintly from her heart, crying herself to sleep during the cold nights in Colorado.

Amy and Martin had a very tight relationship, nothing could break the bond between them. Amy knew Martin since they were preschoolers. They looked so perfect together. Her blue eyes complemented his lavishing blond hair. She, being a brunette attracted him, and they became friends ever since. Over the years, their relationship got boosted up. They would spend hours together, whether studying or just fooling around. Separation was not listed In their vocabulary. Through Elementary School, Jr. High and High School, they were side by side. Proms were not an Issue to them. They went with each other, seeing as nobody asked any of them to be their date. There was a certain spark between them, but unfortunately, the spark never developed. It was a disappointment, looking back their history together. In the end, they were just friends.

After High School graduation, Amy and Martin went their separate ways, for the first time In their lives. The tall, slender brunette was gonna leave her dashing, well built man for further studies. Amy was accepted to Harvard, majoring Business there. Martin, however had to enroll In a community college back In Denver. Everything was fine at first, but soon they were breaking apart. Amy was too busy with her life in Harvard to even call Martin. It wasn't her Intentions but her schedule made her life that way. Her part time jobs didn't ease her life, working at late night shifts every weekday as a waitress. Martin awaited Amy to come back. He would think of ways of asking her to go steady with him. He had to live with the fact that she was not be with an Average Joe like him. Besides, he doubted she'd accept his proposal.

Rumors were that Amy had found someone during her last year at Harvard. Martin was very anxious, dazed and pessimistic. He head to find out the truth. Amy returned to Denver after her studies In Harvard. She didn't come back with anyone though. It was just herself with two big pieces of luggage. It was summer then. She was eager to meet Martin, longing to see him face to face after such a long time. Martin jumped, as If he was victorious In some sort of war. He gladly picked Amy from the airport. There were tears rolling from eyes of the macho yet sensitive Martin Brown.

Amy certainly missed Martin's presence. They way his sparkling hazel eyes looked at her, the odd way he laughed. She missed all of his quirks. So did Martin. They agreed to have dinner together that night Amy arrived. It was to be at 'Le' Lyon", a gourmet French restaurant. So It was settled, by 8PM, they would meet at the Interior of the establishment. Amy came first, and went to the reserved table. Sipping her cup of red wine, she awaited Martin. She had worn a long, silk gown and curled her hair up, resembling somewhat of Marilyn Monroe. An hour passed, and hour and a half, two hours, and Amy started to worry. She rang up Martin but no one answered. Tension was building. She rushed through the glass door, even ripping a part of her gown. She drove to Martin's with her dad's Mercedes. Suddenly there was a gunshot. "Could It be...?" Amy thought. A shriek could be heard, a shriek that could shatter glass windows. Amy nearly collapsed. She saw Martin, facing down In a dark alley, surrounded by a pool of blood.

Amy tried to pull herself together but what she saw was just too traumatic. Martin was dead. Blood gushed from his head. The gunshot was Indeed to Martin Brown. She couldn't believe what she had seen. She shouted his name In grief. But the fact was that, nothing could could bring him to life. She found a small note, along with a black box near his blood stained clothes. It wrote,

"Amy, you have always been In the center of my heart. Will you go steady with me? I was a lost soul when you were away. I'll love you forever Amy.


In that box was a diamond ring, or what used to be one. The ring was gone. Bloodshed was what had happened. Martin never got to say his last goodbye. Amy broke down, she couldn't swallow the fact that he had died a tragic death. Amy held his hands for the last time, letting her tears fall on him, before letting him go Into eternal peace. Martin's funeral was held two days later.

Amy was devastated. Her world was falling apart. But she was strong, she had to be. The constant thought of Martin's short life motivated her to live her own life to the fullest. Martin's death had brought a lot of meaning to Amy. She would read that note again, thinking what would happen If she was to be with Martin.

Tear drops.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Can I get a hallelujah?

I am back... from my... house. I have finally completed my exams and am ready to take a sabbatical for about two weeks. Alas, I have time for my Assassin's Creed, Call Of Duty 4 and such. I am terribly sorry for not posting anything for the past month, I mean It's not like a lot of people read this blog anyways, but I really didn't feel like typing and posting and reading and thinking and editing and finding and stuff. I always thought this blog could be like the next big thing, but those hopes and dreams are down the drain, like yesterdays chicken. But that doesn't really bother me cause well I care what people think of me In real life and not online.

And besides, I can always try to be big on Youtube or something, so all hope Is not lost. Speaking of Youtube, Fred Is teh awesomeness. Who Is this? Fred. Quality entertainment I have to say. Watch his videos. You will be transformed Into a retard. Okay maybe not, but close. And I'm not gonna embed his videos cause wieners are big and the world Is screwed up by porno.

Other than that, Manchester United are th champions of Europe again. Thats coor babey. Sure, they may have won through penalties, but they still won, so yeah, awesome. What's next? Well nothing. I'm just here to "update" whatever that means.




And I'm pretty much done.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Wanted (iii)

Name :
Wilson Phua a.k.a Whimsical Willie

Age :
15 or younger.

Known Crimes :
Watching gay porn, erecting to adolescent boys, singing, blogging, acting cool, speaking bad Mandarin, squatting on chairs, acting horny with teachers, being a boy, Insulting fat people, playing sports, styling his hair, being a Comitea wannabe, thinking he's a MILF, liking girls, swearing Incompletely, touching himself, moaning while touching himself, moaning behind his younger sister and many many many others.

Known Hideouts:
Under chairs, window panes, closets, litter boxes, grass, Roshan, plastic containers, aluminium cans, cement, the Internet, wooden houses, piles of leaves, chicken coops, zinc rooftops, paddy fields, bushes, Inside his pants, behind pillars, under saw dust and many many many others

Weak To:
Girls, boys, gay porn, porn in general, transsexual people, crabs, Ah Bengs, rubber, glue, Mdm. Tan Mee Lan, Nelson, paper cuts, exercise, fashion sense, Algebra, pigeons, Ting Yeng Ping, your mom, midgets, 30 year old men and many many many others.

Danger Level : Lower than the ground

Wanted Dead And Not Alive

Reward For His Capture:
No cookies.

Might moan If he sees you. If spotted do not approach.

This has been a message from

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

What's In the Box? #1

There Is one box In my sister's/computer room. What exactly Is In this box? Stuff that I have no Interest In, but I'm sure there are some people who are. The contents Inside the box Isn't anything peculiar as It Is an everyday Item that can be found anywhere, literally.

This Is the said box. I might regret showing you this, but I'll do It anyways. I cannot believe there are such things, dwelling In the crevices of my home. Behold, the stuffings In the the box. Box #1.


A collection of Jay Chou CD's!

Maybe some of you are like "liek OMG! liek you listen to liek Jay Chou?". But of course, It's not my collection. It's my sister's. I rarely listen to this rather unsexy singer. I mean, I can barely hear what he's saying In his songs. It could be my amazingly excellently lousy Mandarin, but yeah, his pronunciation Is quite hard to Interpret, well some songs at least. Not all. Maybe 3/4. But you know, who am I to judge?

If only I could sell this off. Assuming each CD is about 40 bucks. These merchandise would easily give me like 400 butts. Easily.

Some of the above are albums, Karaoke VCD's, Soundtracks and stuff. I have absolutely no Idea why are there Karaoke VCD's. My sister sings? Beats me. But yeah, my sister Is a Jay Chou fan person guy.

Well, that's all for Box #1. There are more boxes to come. Or maybe not. I will see the circumstances, but anyways, If you're Interested In any of the stuff, please e-mail me.

Please do. I need money for my hypothetical PS3.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Fake Boobs

I recently did my English Oral. My group consisting of Kenaidy and Nelson, did a Game Show called Who Wants To Win 5 Dollars. Basically I was the host and two contestants, Kenaidy and Nelson, had to answer five questions correctly to win, well the 5 Dollars. By posting this video, I'm practically committing e-suicide cause everyone will know how I look like but whatever. And yes, I sound a lot less gay, and look a lot better In real life. True that. Anyways, call It gay, sucky or something, this Is my group's English Oral Presentation, "Who Wants To Win 5 Dollars" . Enjoy. Believe me I don't sound that gay. Really.

And yeah, you may see this video from Nelson's blog or something, but I uploaded It, so I guess I have my right to post It also. Moreover, I'll provide an In-depth script that shows how much the whole act was altered. So yeah, we Improvised, a lot.

Original Context.

*Background music*
Me:Welcome to Who Wants To Win 5 dollars. I’m Lau Ben Yu and I’ll be your host for
today. Now, let us meet our two contestants.
K :ello ello, I am Sir Wingding of Yorkshire. Pleased to meet you all, tallyho…
N :Good Morning, My name’s Nelson and I will win the 5 dollars. You will feel my
wrath Wingding. Fear me.
K :Me fear you? Oh please. A peanut is even scarier than you.
Me:Alrighty then, the rules are simple. First, each contestant is allowed 5 secs to
answer each question.Second, you must follow first rule. Ok now..the grand prize
is 5 dollars. Each correct answer brings one of you closer to that dream house
you’ve always wanted.
K :Well, how do I know that this isn’t just another scam ….like Deal Or No Deal?
N :Yeah, Deal or No Deal sucks. Wheel Of Fortune is better.
Me:Here’s the five dollars. I’m gonna keep it in my pockets for safekeeping. Any
other questions?
N :Can I ask something?
Me:Go ahead.
N :How many questions can we ask?
N :*about to ask*
Me:OK! On to the show…*background music *
K :Hold on.. I need to ask something.
K :You scumbag.
N :Shut up. I really hate British people I tell you. Go drink some English tea or
K :*oh no you di’nt*
Me:Now, now. Enough with the hostility. Let us begin, shall we?
*background music* Your 1st question is … what would happen to a fish if it fell into a
river?? 5 secs on the clock.
N :Hmm.. wouldn’t the fish swim?
K :Well obviously the fish would be wet, am I right?
Me:That is also incorrect.
Me:No need to shout, the answer is.. the fish would drown..
K :I knew that… I’m just warming up.
N :You’re really weird Sir Wingding…not to mention stupid.
Me:Yes he is… and so are you. On to the 2nd question. Ready? This is a tough one.
What colour is the White House? 5 secs…
N :Let me think… If It’s called the White House, wouldn’t it be white?
Me:That is wrong
K :I believe It Is BLUE!
Me:It is actually a lightest shade of black.
N :I demand a recount!
K :STOP ASKING STUPID QUESTIONS!! You know it’s almost impossible to answer those
kinda questions with only 5 seconds…. I need 1 more second!
N :1 more? No no no I want two.
Me:Why not? 2 more seconds it is..
K :Cheers *touches Nelson’s shoulders*
N :Stop touching me…. I’ll kill you.
Me:Now then, the 3rd question. For this, you will have to complete this sentence.
Mary had a little _________ ?
K :I don’t know? Kim Chin?
Me:You two are idiots. Of course Mary had a little lamb. Moving on, your 4th
question, again complete the sentence “He likes to eat, Fish and________” ? 7
K :Indians *at the same time*
N :Indians*at the same time*
Me:So very close, Fish and Chips. Since none of you got a single question correct,
this next one will determine who wins the 5 dollars.
K :So whoever answers this question correctly wins the money?
Me:But of course.
N :Stop wasting time you racist. I need the money. I got a whole family to raise.
K :I don’t think that’s possible, CAUSE IM GONNA WIN IT!
K :YEAH?!?
N :OH YEAH?!?!?
K :YEAH?!?!
N :OH YEAH!?!?
Me:*slaps face* Please, I doubt any of you can win It. But anyways, your 5th and
final question Is… why did the chicken cross the road? 7 secs
K :Well, was it because It was Indian?
N :I know. It was because It wanted to get to the other side.
Me:Ohhh… close, but not close enough. It was because it was gay. Terribly sorry but
none of you get the 5 dollars.
K :Fiddlesticks! I should have known chickens were homo.
N : You scammer!
Me:Well that’s all for this show. Tune in next time when we play, Who Wants To Win 5
N :*provokes Sir Wingding and fights*
K :*fights Nelson*

As you can see we didn't really follow the actual script.


Sunday, March 23, 2008

The Truth: Elmo

Elmo from Sesame Street. Who wouldn't recognize this famous character. Some say he's cute, adorable, loving and so on. Elmo earned a reputation by being one of the main characters of the show. Red, furry and small, he was Ideal for a kids show. Elmo has many traits that young kids can look up to him for. That's why rarely can you see a little kid not knowing who's Elmo. Heck, even adults know him.

I really don't know who's the blue guy.

But this doesn't mean Elmo here's perfect. For Instances, McElmo here refers himself to the third person. Who actually does that? You don't refer yourself with your own name now do you? And his laugh, his devious laugh. Despicable. Maybe some of you are thinking? What's your damn point? Well I will be unveiling the truth about Elmo. The dark truth that will make your pants drop twice, or even more.

Brace yourselves, or maybe not.


Elmo is actually... THE EMO KING!

Elmo's name Is just an encrypted message that hides the fact that's he Is Emo. Elmo - l = Emo. Coincidence? I think not. Why do you think he's so furry, red and has an orange nose. He's the epitome of emotional disorder. Not convinced? The pictures below are solid proof of King Elmo's real self.

As you can see, the Elmo on the left Is the fake, happy and smiling Elmo. On the right Is the actual Elmo who slits his wrists, wears Gothic clothing and has hair covering one side of his face.
Holding a knife on his left hand, King Elmo relieves his pain by making himself bleed. How typical of him to do so. And Elmo's so emo, he doesn't even wear pants. Being King Elmo, he roams Into the restrooms of buildings, searching and scouting for new accomplices, who maybe In the loo.

Further proof can be found In this video. Tickle Me Elmo Is a popular toy. Tickle Me Emo Is the next best thing.

And yes, he Is wearing pants. I guess he likes to go commando at times. It's not my fault I can't predict whether Elmo wears pants or not. That's like predicting the weather. I certainly can't predict the weather, moreover Elmo's pants.

So don't be fooled by this deceiving character. Especially when or If you are watching Sesame Street, be sure to look out for his crown and his hypothetical pants that he Is not wearing. The world Is a dark place. It's even darker with the presence of King Elmo, the Emo King.

Before I end the post, I have to say,

Cookie Monster > Elmo. Cause Cookie Monster Is teh bomb... and likes cookies... and Is a monster. So screw you Elmo fans. Cookie Monster Is so much cooler.

And yeah, before I forget anything, Happy Easter!