Discovery!

I post In the IGN boards you see. While I was posting on one of them, " teh Vestibule ", which Is like Kopitiam If you post In Lowyat, I stumbled upon one particular thread/topic. Well the title seemed Interesting enough so I clicked on It. Man, did I laugh. The guy posted twisted yet funny pictures like they would be In a comic strip and stuff. You gotta know the terms and get the humor In the pictures to be ale to laugh at It. So yeah, let me present you, coloringbookland. Don't get me wrong though, It's just my nature to laugh at such things. Sure, It may be kinda sick and twisted but It certainly wont traumatise some of you In any way.

So here goes, these pictures are extremely wrong, sick and twisted, and unfortunately, I laughed so click at your own risk.

























I bet he's one of Santa's disciples.























That would be a shock. It would certainly be awkward seeing her/him In the nude.























Jerry Is such a pervert. Just a cheap way to show off his weener.























Never give a kid a baseball bat, and avoid teaching him about bad religion.






















How Insensitive. I bet he's black.























So Insulting, yet so true.























I understood the joke here but I can't help but to feel Insulted. Go figure.



Theres like way more in their archives. I don't feel like posting others cause well, the language used In the pictures are quite vulgar and It would certainly shatter my blog's clean Image.

Remember, spam Is delicious.

Today...

... Is November the 5th. What occasion It might be? Guy Fawkes Night of course. You know, In V For Vendetta, If you've watched It, you may remember this line... "Remember remember the 5th of November" and stuff which was actually a rhyme which V recited In the movie. Today they make bonfires and play with fireworks to remember Guy Fawkes.

















I bet he enjoyed looking at weeners.





























BOOBS! (not really)




























It's not my fault most Asian females aren't well endowed. Nothing personal though. Just speaking the truth here.

inb4flameage

Pedophile (Noun) - A person who Is smexually attracted to youths, especially when you're a
fat guy with a long beard.

Santa Claus, jolly old man? or silent child predator? a friendly elderly? or a friendly elderly in the wrong ways? These are the questions that run through my brain whenever I think about Old Santy. At first you know, I didn't really care, but I couldn't help but to think about the pedophilia that Santa has committed. Why I call him a pedo you ask?

You may know Santa Claus for being this fat old guy who happens to share the spirit of Christmas by giving gifts to those who were nice the whole year round. He lives In the North Pole and has a sledge with reindeers becoming the muscle behind the contraption. Santa Claus keeps a list of those who were naughty and nice, climbing down chimneys to put presents under the Christmas Trees or maybe even In stockings that were hung on the fireplace. Every year he does this during the night of Christmas Eve. Children will praise Santa for his generosity even though they've never seen a sight of him before. Traditionally, Santa Claus Is recognized as the source of presents to young children. But does Santa Claus really give upon his own free will, or Is It the other way round?

Santa's North Pole
Why Is that Santa Claus resides at the Northern Poles of the earth. Why not America? Brazil? perhaps Mexico even, where sunshine Is about everywhere. Why the North Pole? It's like such a remote place, Isolated from everything else beside Ice, snow, polar bears, Eskimos, you get the idea. Wait do Eskimos even live In the North/South Pole? I wonder. Perhaps Greenland, yeah there. But anyways, Is It that Santa Claus lures children to this region of coldness for his own purposes? Think about It. He has a "workshop" which produces "toys" In the North Pole. i believe Santa keeps the children In giant skin sacks, acting like he's putting toys Inside when actually he's stuffing 3 year olds' Into his bag of pedophilia. Since his home Is so far away from civilization there would be no way anyone would know about Santa's kidnappings of all children to be his "slaves" for his guilty pleasure. Such a dirty tactic, no wonder you're bloated.

Santa's List
Next, why do you think he keeps a certain "list" of children who are naughty or nice? Is It his list on who to target next? I bet he checks this "list" everyday and observes the so called "nice" kids. Do the nice kids satisfy him In some way? If you know what I mean. Just one kid wouldn't be enough so you had to get groups of hundreds of kids to calm you down? Why do you think so many people have AIDS, HIV and STD's each year. It's because of Santa! The man Is twisted and sick In unthinkable ways.

Santa's arrival
Why does Santa only arrive at night? Why not In the broad daylight when everyone can see you? Why coming down through the chimney? Why not just use the front door? Landing your sleigh on the roofs of residential houses Is already considered a violation of privacy. Sneaking In? Now that's just low, real low. In exchange for the gifts Santa touches the children while they're sound asleep. So that's probably why kids who stay up through the night do not get presents as Santa doesn't get a chance to touch them because they're not sleeping thus causing him to not touch them cause If he does touch them while they're awake, he will be Identified as a pedo.

Santa's Activities With Kids
Why do you think every year, fake pretend Santa's sit In a chair and let every kid "ride" on his lap and tell him their wishes? Why do you think he does this. It's to show he's attraction to children of course. Why can't the children just stand and whisper their wishes to Santa. But they have to sit on his lap, for a least five minutes just to let him know about It. It may seem that the fake pretend Santa's are just normal people, but the truth Is, whenever the red suit, the long beard, the stuffed stomach Is put together, the Spirit of Mr. Claus controls them, just to feel pleasure over prepubescent youths.

So please, now that you know the truth behind this sadistic old man, consider whether you should convince little children whether the existence of Santa Is real or not. You'll never know.

That's why Santa gets the "Pedo Bear Seal Of Approval".



















(MEXPO Is actually the Mexican Peanut Organization. Don't listen to the crap that Daryl has said)

101: Retards

101, your guide to almost everything. Today's will be on Retard 101. This guide will teach you the basics, the techniques and the pure sense of retardism for you to be able to embrace. Scenarios will also be Included In the guide, to teach you, yes you the reader on what to do when you face these real life situations which you need to face. Well then, with that aside, let us begin!










The Basics.
Introductory
To be a retard, you must act like one. In order to do that, self confidence and self esteem must be present. The feeling of fear and worry must vanquish as these acts of retardism needs a lot of courage to perform. Before any act of retardsim is carried out, one must be sure that his/her act will be considered retarded. If he/she Is not sure, the plan will backfire, causing he/she's act to be normal. Now, what you want Is to be calm, pressure free and most Importantly relaxed. Every move Is like a stage play, If one thing goes wrong, the whole play will be screwed like a bag of broken peanuts.

The Look Of A Retard
























The common retard.

Notice that the hair Is properly maintained. Now what you want for your hair Is a clean cut. Hair care products may be used but water will just do fine. No spikes, no emo, no long hair. A moderately short length Is recommended as things might get messy If you have long hair. Your Ideal pose would be to support your chin using your fingers. Eyebrows at just the right height and lips locked, without showing any emotion whatsoever. Your look must be plain. Show that you have no Intentions of doing anything. If you have any queries about the looks, just follow the hair above and the facial expression and I'll guarantee It will work.

Steps Of Acts.
These steps will help to construct your moves systematically. Every move must be orchestrated properly so that everything moves In order. Each step Is like a lion hunting Its prey. Pounce too fast, It will run away. Pounce too slow, It will also run away. pounce at the right moment, and you'll be having a feast.

Step 1- Wait for your victim.
Step 2- Pretend your doing something which Is nothing abnormal.
Step 3- Focus on the victim.
Step 4- Wait for the perfect chance.
Step 5- When the time comes, get ready to attack.
Step 6- Attack with all your might.
Step 7- Feel the sensation of accomplishment.

But these steps are only Implied when being retarded among people. Steps for just being retarded are as follows.

Step 1- Decide on what you are doing.
Step 2- Just do It.
Step 3- Feel the sensation of accomplishment.

Short and simple.

Scenarios
Now, these happenings may occur anytime, anywhere. These scenarios will explain the right way to handle the situation like a retard. These scenarios will teach you what's right and what's not to do when you face the It.

#1. You are sitting at the side of your classroom. There are curtains located just beside you.
Strong winds blow, causing the curtains to elevate and rise over your head. What do you do?

Right
Go under the curtains and smell It. Pretend that the curtains are skirt/dresses and
what you are smelling Is his/her undergarments. Continue doing this till there Is no more breeze and the curtains stop flying.

Wrong
Take the curtains and tie It so that It will not go wild.

#2. You woke late for school. You are In a rush. You are exactly 15 minutes from being punished for being late. To make things worse, you have not prepared anything for your oral presentation later and you are still In your pajamas and have yet to put on your uniform. What do you do?

Right
Purposely forget to wear anything and go to school naked. Bring everything except clothes. Shoes and socks may be brought. Using this method, you save time from having to change and you can get everyone's attention during your presentation. What do you get? Ad ouble whammy of course. An A+ Is also guarenteed. Be careful though as nudity will cause some of your peers to touch you.

Wrong
You get up off your bed and quickly change to your school attire. Then you hurry go to school with your clothes on, hoping you're not late.

#3. You meet a girl you like. You ask her out. She says yes. It's a date for you and your crush. You bring her out for dinner. She likes you a lot. You share the same Interests and want to get together. After the dinner, you bring her back home. She's about to leave, what do you do?

Right
Call her to come to you. Hug her, and tell her that you think she's tasty. Express your delight In slicing and deep frying her parts and eating them with condiments such as tartar sauce or mayonnaise. If she slaps you or kicks your crotch, you have succeeded.

Wrong
Tell her that you had a great time. Hug her and hope that you will get a goodnight kiss.

#4. You are In your teachers house to be tutored. Your bladder Is urging you to go to the toilet. You ask where Is the toilet. Your teacher brings you there. When you are about to use the toilet, you notice a wet brassiere In the sink. You are fascinated. What do you do?

Right
Without any hesitation, go snatch the bra and touch It. The moist nature of the bra causes you to feel tingly. Slowly bring the bra close to your nose and sniff It. When the teacher asks what's taking you so long In the toilet, you just say you're just unclogging the toilet. When you go back home, call everyone you know about what you did and wait to receive your flaming In school.

Wrong
You continue using the toilet without even thinking of touching the bra. You leave It where It should be.

#5. It Is Art Class. You are assigned to draw a portrait of a famous historical figure. You are almost finished drawing but you have to pass It up In about 30 seconds. You have yet to draw the nose and the head. What do you do?

Right
In that 30 seconds, push out your courage as you will need It. Keep your cool and hold firmly to your pencil/pen. In a few strokes, substitute your nose and head with a couple of pen0rs. Once you're done, pass It up face down. When your teacher scolds and reports you for being horny, tell him/her that his/her mom Is gay.

Wrong
Improvise and draw a half decent nose and draw a hat to cover the figure's head.

Congratulations!
If you have followed the guide properly, you have just become a qualified retard! You have now become one of the outcasts of society! 101 wishes you the best of luck with your new profound knowledge In everyday life.

That concludes Retard 101. Come back In the future for another 101.

The PS3

Today I got the taste of the PS3, Nadzir's PS3 that Is. Well, I could have tried It when I was In Perth but people usually hogged It when I Intended to play. Freaking kids. Anyways, I arrived at his house approximately 1330 hours. Okay, maybe later. The main point Is about the PS3, and let me tell you, what a machine It Is. It may be bulky In size, but the sleek design covers the size of the console. S$ 1600, the PS3 costs. Thats about RM 3,669. This Includes two games though. That's big bucks for some metal. Anyways, jerr got The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion and NBA Street Homecourt.

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
























NBA Street Homecourt























I only got to try Homecourt since everyone was playing It and seemed hooked to It. So I didn't really bother to ask to try Oblivion eventhough It's a very good game. However, Homecourt doesn't lack flare either.

My Impressions On Homecourt.
The game's graphically amazing. The player models seem very much like their real life counter part. Every court Is much detailed. From the court surface, hoops, backboard, sidelines and the raw feel of the location. Basketball courts never looked this good. And the controls, very Intuitive. Just dribbling the ball with square feels that fun. And since this Is a street game, you can expect kick passes, pump fakes, alley-oops, off the heezays (or however you spell It), superhuman jumps, superhuman dunks, gamebreakers and just a whole lotta stuff that you'll only know when you try the freaking game. The core of the game, well Is most definitely the superhuman dunks. I mean, just see It for yourself.



My overall Impression for Homecourt, just sexy. If you happen to like basketball and have a PS3 and reading this post now or reading a review about this game eventhough It came moths ago and you finally found out about It, get It, LIKE NOW. And yeah, I would have written my Impressions on Oblivion but unfortunately I didn't try It. Sorry.

PS: There might be edits tomorrow, but not now cause It's getting late and I'm getting lazy.

E3 2007

Ah yes, E3. This years E3 has been over like for a week now, but here I am, writing about It. For those of you who don't know what exactly Is this E3 thing, It Is a game convention where all the big developers, publishers and game companies show their well, games of course. What companies you may ask. The likes of Sony, Microsoft, Nintendo, Electronic Arts, Ubisoft, Rockstar and the hell of others will present their games and give demos' and stuff. Personally, I would prefer the PS3 compared to the Wii and the Xbox 360. I'm not a Sony fanboy though, I'll tell you that.

I will compile some games that I am anticipating for my hypothetical PS3. So here goes, In no particular order.

1. Burnout Paradise






















Release date: January 2008, US
4th Quarter of 2007, Europe

The latest series is the Burnout franchise. The first for the next gen consoles. I've always looked forward to Burnout games. The last one I played was Burnout Revenge, which was fairly addictive but It got repetitive after I reached the Elite Rank, which was the highest. Burnout Dominator did succeeded Revenge but I was lazy to check It out. After getting a glimpse of the Burnout Paradise trailer, I was excited. No, not school girl seeing hot guy excited. But excited by seeing how I could play the game with the polished mechanics with the very impressive graphics. Just Imagine, making your car spin a 360 spin in mid air or making It do barrel rolls after a jump or drifting you car in a tight turn causing the car to burn rubber leaving It smoky.

I conclude, Awesome Gameplay + Sexy Cars + Good Graphics + Dynamic Car Physics = Success




























2. Assassin's Creed






















Release date: November 2007

Assassin's Creed. In this title, you play as an assassins, duh and you get to well, assassinate people. But what kind of people you will be assassinating? Historical figures of course. Assassin's Creed Is set during the Third Crusade, In which you play as Altair, the dude In the white overalls. There's three cities that are featured in the game, Jerusalem (Israel), Acre (Israel) and Damascus (Syria). As you may observe these cities are located at the Middle Eastern region, and as you know, Middle Eastern architecture Is beautiful. Why did I bring up the architecture?, well In this game the player gets to climb on any building, ledge, brick, wall or anything virtually visible on buildings and the city. The most sexy part of the game Is Altair's arsenal of weapons. Daggers, crossbows swords and also your own array of assassin weapons that you get when you become one. Assassin's Creed brings stealth to another level with Its social stealth when you blend In a crowd when you are required to kill someone In the populous cities filled with tons of people. Very anticipating this game.



























3. Heavenly Sword






















Release date: 4th September 2007 , US
20th September 2007 , Australia

As you can see from the screens, the main character guy Is a red haired lady. Critics often compare Heavenly Sword to God Of War as both of the titles show similarities. But oh no, the leading lady, Nariko Is certainly not a Kratos. The game focuses on Its gameplay, claiming that about 1000 enemies can be on screen without any frame rate issues. If that Is true, massacring over an army of enemies would be certainly mouth watering. Nariko wields the "Heavenly Sword" which has divine powers and sucks out the life of any enemy that It cuts. Like Assassin's Creed this game also provides some unique weapons at your disposal. The "Heavenly Sword" can be changed into three different forms and each has Its own attack and mostly importantly satisfaction when killing. The sword can be changed Into a chain form that the player can use to throw out enemies and also can be separated depending on the players decision. I also So If you have enjoyed God Of War or Ninja Gaiden or something like that of the same genre, combined cinematic, tight controls and a fresh fighting engine, this game Is certainly one to look out for.




























4. Warhawk






















Release date: 28th August 2007,Worldwide

Finally, an aerial combat game that blows every other game of Its kind. A remake of the original Warhawk for the Playstation 1, with Its new inclusion of land vehicles besides the planes. The whole flight, driving mechanics are done by using the SIXAXIS (PS3 Controller) Tilt left, turn left. Tilt right, turn right. You get the idea. This game Is one of the first games that fully uses the motion sensing technology that the SIXAXIS has to offer. Warhawk Is all about Multiplayer. Detahmatch, Team Deathmatch and Capture The Flag are some of the modes of It. Although Warhawk does not support a Single Player Campaign, the Multiplayer will most likely be the meat and core of the game. Just think, jetting through your Blackhawk type stealth plane 300 km/h destroying enemy planes on the way. Fight for ranks, bragging rights and pride through this Multiplayer Online Co-op Aeriel Combat game that Is, Warhawk.






























The PS3, smexy indeed.

Philosophy: Woodworking

一 ： Cutting wood
When cutting wood, always remember to cut It harmoniously. Let the good chi flow In your saw blade so that the cut Is smooth and neat. Rugged and rough edges will be the outcome of bad chi In your saw blade. To achieve good chi, direct your saw to the wood In a 90° manner. You must always remember to pull the saw faster than when you push the saw while cutting. This enables the good chi to flow In a proportional ratio.

二 : Waiting for the tools

Waiting for the tools that you need need patience. It Is as If waiting in line to go to the
toilet. Your chance will come but you must wait. Patience Is of the essence. It will pay off
after you have waited, and you will feel satisfied with your tools like when you go through
the process of urination after you felt that your pipe Is about to go kablooey. Satisfaction
Is guaranteed.

三 ： Making sounds while doing the work

Doing the action above Is highly discouraged. A disturbance to the spirit world will occur
If the wrong sounds are made. Talking to the wood will rip your shirt. Shouting at the wood
will rip your pants off. Cursing the wood will rip your underwear off, thus forcing you to sit
on the plastic chair with your bare rear end.



Remember my philosophy about woodworking. Now I will conclude this session by quoting someone, about stupidity.


" Can you wear your underwear on your chests? " Hii Shan Wei Ransley


People these days, (Kenaidy) can't think of their own posts, and thus copying others. I am very disappointed In you people. (Kenaidy)

Zomgness?

Hiatus? Stop posting? Inactivity? Dead blog? Those might be the things that come to your mind whenever you visit this blog. No, the blogs not any of the things above, besides inactivity. The thing Is that............. I was banned from the internet the past few weeks, okay maybe not. The main reason I don't post Is that my sister Is back. You know, my so called 'dead' sis In my April Fool's post. Yeah. The thing Is, my computer Is located In my sister's room, and also she puts her laptop in her room. She practically lives In the room, staying In here almost the whole day, and sleeping a lot. I have a fear that If I blog here, she will find out about my blog. I don't think she'll find the infamous April Fool's one humorous at all. If she does finds out, well, I can say that I am as good as massacre.

I will post as soon as she goes back to Melbourne which Is like two weeks from now. Then, you people can enjoy my sexy posts. And If you're wondering why I am able to blog now. Reason? She went out. So patient people. You don't get quality posts just at a snap of a finger, unless you're name Is Earl...........or crabman, yeah. Well that concludes this times mediocrity.


ZOMG! IT'S OVER ALREADY? OH YES!

Hooters

Wow, Its been like three weeks since the last postness. Where have I been you may ask? Absolutely no where. Why have I not posted for so long? Go and ask Kenny. Okay, well there's no particular reason why I didn't post actually. Just that I had exams for two weeks and my Internet couldn't connect till this morning, so yeah, no postage. Don't panic, you people that enjoy my blog, I have not stop writing. Now I present you people with todays mediocre post, by me.

The holidays are around now. Same things go over and over. Wake up, eat breakfast, watch t.v, use the computer, eat lunch, watch t.v, use the computer, eat dinner, watch some more t.v and use more of the computer and then sleep. And the process goes on and on till school reopens and I find out I have not done the work that Is needed to be passed up the next day. Occasionally I'll go out with friends or something, but It doesn't make the holidays more Interesting. There's no pizzazz, no flare, no zest, no edge.

But finally, I got something to ease my boredom. Meet my Sony Cyber-shot DSC-T100, noir In color.























But of course the pic above Isn't my actual camera. Think I'm lying that I have the camera? Look below.





























16:9 aspect ratio-ness. It may look a little dark, cause It Is dark In the room. The designs sleek, slim and Is full of style. Image quality Is good, 8.1 Megapxiels with 5x optical zoom. Eventhough Its just a point and shoot type of camera, It will definitely satisfy. Finally I will give you people a glimpse of my new haircut.

















NOW ITS OVER!

Told you It was mediocre.

Huzzah! 14 Is I!

3rd of May, me birthday. Sure Its like three days after but I don't seem to care now do I?. Alas, another year older, feels relatively the same, nothing much different though. The only thing that happened Is that I grew a few millimetres taller and I got unbeautiful. I miss my beautiful days. But oh well. Yes, as clich'ed as It sounds, time does fly fast. Maybe Its because I'm on the computer all the time. I should really get out more often.

Thursday was okay, apart from the creepiness. I didn't really want to make a big deal about my birthday, but for some reason, during Geography, either Kenaidy or Gurjit, I don't know who, remembered that It was me b-day. Then the boys were like, " HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAU!". It was okay at first, a few greetings, but It got creepy when Darren said It as If he wanted to give me some butts3cks or something. First the pants grabbing during football and now this? Give yourself some dignity man. Darren continued doing that (HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAU!) at least for four or five times. Fortunately, there was no butts3cks.

And for some reason, Kenaidy got obsessed with corn. Quote, "Corn Is not an option". When I asked where Is the corn, he kept silence. So, when you say something utterly brainless, remember, prepare a response. If you don't, you are as literate as Kenaidy, which Is In fact, Illiterate. Besides that I also found out that I share the same birth date with Ee Xin's mom. Very surprising I have to say.

But the creepiest and unpleasant moment was during KH. We were learning about decorative plants and the soil, fertilizer and stuff. The teacher went on talking about the fertilizer, and boy oh boy, chicken 'waste' was the subject. He went on, saying that Its warm, yes warm, and encouraged us to touch It. I for one am not In fond of doing so. Luckily the person that almost puked didn't puke.

Now, keeping the thought of fertility aside, my birthday. Nothing really special. Had lunch, got money, had cake and noodles at night. And money, 300 buckeroonies. But I'm not gonna finish the post just like that, I'll post some pictures for you, the reader to enjoy.
















Tiramisu, brings a very eloquent taste as It contains coffee, cheese, cocoa/chocolate and a lots of sugary goodness. Definitely will satisfy your sweet tooth Quite creamy and sweet, very savoury. If you're wondering what are those two green things on the cake, well, those are apples. Doesn't look like apples, but they are.
















Sweet sweet money. I got RM 100 from my grandmother and Rm 200 from my parents. They could have just gave In hundreds but I guess they had a lot of 50's. Wonder what I'll do with It. Invest It? Save It? Spend It?



NOW IT'S OVER!